It's that time again when I switch blog sites...
Sorry.
Here's the link, go read!

http://sanjous.blogspot.com

Enjoy.
For those of you who read this, thanks!
Now...click that link above this and start reading some more.
Take care, guys!

It is the most common subtype of breast cancer.
That's all I have to say on that topic; thanks.

Some people are so full of lies.
Why, in my right mind, did I ever believe them?
Why would I ever believe the bullshit that is my ex-girlfriend?
"I'll always be there for you. I'm not leaving you hanging, all right?"

Well, damn, I am swinging like strange fruit from a willow tree...
I've been dangling here for months...
Please, please, please save me from this world.

I was asked today what is "positive in my life."
What, for a pessimist, is positive in my life?
"People who humor me."

Everything good in my life comes in short bursts.
It comes in bursts of delicious alcohol. It comes in bursts of fun that ends at midnight. It comes in bursts of cute girls who tell me they don't know what they want. It comes in bursts of friends sticking by me until something better comes along. It comes in bursts of laughter that end when I realize I should not be laughing.

Every time I laugh, it seems that someone else frowns.
When I jump up, someone else falls to the ground.
When I get back up, someone knocks me back down.

Every time I end an entry, I pray to God the wrong person doesn't read it.

Date:	2008-03-27 16:48
Subject:	An entry. For once.
Security:	Public
Mood:	lethargic
Music:	Everclear-She's So High Above Me

Well...it's certainly been a while, has it not?

I don't generally edit my entries, so if something goes wrong here, please refrain from telling me.
I couldn't care less.

It seems the world has gone away for a little while.
I have been here many times...
I've been in this solitude before.
I've been left in the cold to search for myself before.

It's scary as hell.
I took my anger out on my friends and they left me because they didn't want to "put up with it."
I wonder if they are really my friends.
I piss them off, they leave me hanging, and I can't even call them because when I do, they yell at me, then hang up.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer about two months ago. It scares the living shit out of me, to be quite honest.
She has had cancer two previous times in her life.
She is 60 years old, and I would have thought that she had been through this thing enough times.
But someone must believe she's strong enough to fight it a third time.
And she will.
She's a strong woman; she'll be fine.
But it still scares me, and I don't have a shoulder to cry on.
My father's is cold and he's burying himself in work; that's what he does when he's stressed, upset, and angry.
My sister lost her job two weeks ago and she's searching frantically for another. Without much luck at all.
I'm still going to school, desperately trying to finish this semester with A's in my courses.
I got a job about two weeks ago at a small coffee shop and it's fun. I enjoy it. It lets me get away for a little while. That's my version of "throwing myself into work." It's not much of an excuse. I still get caught up with my "drama" while I'm at work.

I totaled my car that drove me to sanity when I lost it.
I would drive into a town not too far from where I live that I really call home.
I call it Chapel Hill.
I would drive in and grab some coffee.
I'd see familiar faces that got my mind off of things for just a few hours of the day.
I'd grab a smoke with people who didn't dare judge me.
I would laugh with people who could always laugh at anything.
I am now stranded about 30 minutes from Chapel Hill in Hillsborough where my family decided to move about 4 months ago.
My parents refuse to drive me to Chapel Hill. It's just "too far away..."

Everything I know and love is just out of reach.

I listen to music that makes me smile.
Over and over and over and over again...
It's starting to NOT work which upsets me.
I never thought music could seize to make me smile, but it has found a way.

All of my "good friends" are younger than I am, and I am quite young.
I recently learned that you just cannot depend on a high school to stick by you.
They change their minds all too often.
If the argument is persuasive enough, it will win them over.

For over a year I cried on this girl's shoulder. I called her when I thought I was going to rid myself. I yelled at her when I was angry at the world. I held her when I needed something between my arms. I kissed her when I needed to feel something upon my lips. I loved her when I needed just her to love...
And that was good for over a year.
But then over a year ended, and I couldn't let go.
She let me hold on for a little longer, but then she didn't need me anymore...
She dropped me into the sea of mankind.
I'm drowning now.

I'm drowning and I want to know why NO ONE will throw me a lifeline...

I just want a few questions answered.
But no one can answer them for me.
Only time will answer my questions.
I just don't want to wait...


"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing."
Sylvia Plath

Date:	2008-02-20 09:42
Subject:	Jeez, you know what?
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

This is almost like that of a personal journal.

LiveJournal sort of defeats the purpose of a blog...no one uses this thing anymore.

Better for me, then.
Better that no one actually reads this, actually.

Anyway.
The last few days have been oddly perfect (not entirely).

Everything has sort of fallen into place.

My classes are going quite well, despite the fact that I hate going.

Things with Susannah have calmed down a lot, although yesterday we had another fiasco. It turns out that being "just friends" is more difficult than one would think. We're trying to make it work as a friendship, but it keeps coming out...wrong. Not wrong, but more than a friendship, I guess. It just keeps coming out differently than expected. We're trying to be civil, though. It doesn't always work, but we relaly are trying out best.

To be quite honest, Susannah and I still care very much about one another. She loves me, I love her, blah blah blah, you know that story, right? Well, it's the case with us.
We still try to be there for one another when we know something is wrong, but it's posing several problems...
We don't know, really, "how to be there for one another" as "just friends."
From my point of view, that's how things seem.
I could be very wrong in from her side of things.

Everything else in my life seems to be going as planned.
Again, school is well.
I may be getting a job soon, but I need to decide where I want to work first.
Once that's settled, I can go to pick up job applications.
I have a lot of free time on my hands aside from school and schoolwork, and the things I've resorted to doing in my free time have not been considered..."kosher." My parents are upset with me going to cafes to get coffee by myself.
A popular hang out, Franklin Street, is not considered safe in the present time, but I'm not quite sure why. There have been several shootings in the past few years, theft, and various issues with drugs, but I can say that the same has occured within the high school that I graduated from this past spring. And still, those issues can be argued about anywhere.
I have no issue with Franklin Street and my friends have no issue with it...so I continue to go.

I'm very often out of the house the entire afternoon, evening, and night. I'm home around midnight or one in the morning.
I can see that my parents are overwhelmed, worried, and upset that I'm out so much, but I haven't been doing anything I shouldn't be doing, and for now, and for me, that's good enough.

I have an essay to work on right now.
I'm actually avoiding it because I generally do well on my writing assignments, but this one isn't going as well as I'd like it to be going...

I may be getting a tattoo in the near future.
If so, I'll post pictures and rant about it (I'm sure of that).

Take care, everyone.

<3
   <3
      <3

Date:	2008-02-14 12:27
Subject:	FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY, 2008
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	Edwin McCain - These Are the Moments

Right, well, today is Valentine's Day...as though you folks didn't know.
I've made several improvements in the last year, to be quite honest.
This time last year, I was suspended from school because I pulled a switchblade out in my German class.
I couldn't spend the day with Susannah, so I remember picking her up at her house when she was walking to the bus for school, and I drove her to school. I had roses and chocolate for her.
We had to keep my driving her to school a secret because her mother has a rule against people under the age of...21 driving her around. The rule has changed throughout my knowing her. It started out at 18, then I crashed my car, and she upped the age to 21. Basically no one can drive her around. Great rule, hm?
It doesn't matter. We always found ways around it.

But here I am, a year later, alone.
I actually bought roses and Susannah's favorite chocolates for her this morning.
Stupid, maybe?
I put them in her car that she always leaves unlocked.
She has a class over at another high school, and she commutes back to her school, so she was in her 1st period class....
I put the flowers in her car and put the chocolate beside them.

I'm a dorrrrrk.
I'm also a hopeless case.
I don't know why I try.

I'm not feeling particularly articulate at the moment.
Perhaps an update later.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
<3
   

Date:	2008-02-13 16:07
Subject:	No One Reads This!
Security:	Public
Mood:	lethargic
Music:	Chris Brown

I guess that's a good thing.
I can say anything I want...just like a REAL journal.

The day was long.
I went to both of my classes. I fell successfully fell asleep in my math class.
I didn't in English, however. I never do fall asleep in my English classes. There are various reasons as to why I do well in English classes.
1. I love literature.
2. I'm very good at whatever's thrown my way during these types of classes...lucky me.
3. These classes are always in the afternoon, which is generally a time of the day where I'm wide awake.

Susannah and I used to listen to tons of music together.
Due to this, it's very difficult for me to find any music that DOES NOT remind me of her.
I won't lie, though...I like that music reminds me of Susannah.
They're always good memories...<3

I miss her desperately...

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
I wanted to do something nice for Susannah, but we're not together anymore, so that's as useless...as...something that's really useless.
I was thinking of maybe getting little cards for my friends, but I hardly ever see them.
I would have to drive into Chapel Hill to give them a card. That loses it's effect (in my opinion).
I think I should get something for my parents and sister. I never do anything for them on holidays.
I don't make my own money, so it's hard for me to do much for them.
Every year a holiday rolls around, my mother expects me to do something wonderful, I never do, the holiday is ruined, and it's my fault.
I'm just not prepared for it this year, to be honest.
I'm usually ready for it every year. I have been since I was 13 when my mother decided our bad holidays were all my fault.

I guess I should be glad I don't have anyone to get anything for...?
Not really.

Tomorrow I have to help my father pain the front porch. Exciting, isn't it?!
I also have to re-write a rough draft for tomorrow.
That should keep me busy. For the most part, it should.

I got a speeding ticket the other night, so my parents are coming up with different ways to pay off the ticket.
Painting the fucking porch is one of the ways I earn money to pay off my ticket.
I'm taking care of my neighbor's pets. My parents agreed that I wouldn't have to put that money towards my ticket. Thank God, hm?

This day was pretty uneventful.
I spoke to Susannah online a bit....
I have plans to go to go to Hookah Bliss tonight to meet up with a few friends.
I have an awful cold, though. I feel pretty lame, tired, sickly...etc.
I'm not entirely sure if I want to go.
I'm not really sure if I want to do anything, actually...

We'll see...
We'll see....

<3

Date:	2008-02-12 15:55
Subject:	February 12, 2008
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank
Music:	Gin Blossoms-Allison Road

I lack inspiration for a better title.
The one I have is most suitable, to be honest.

A lot of things have been going on. I'm not sure that I can list them all out.
I'm not sure if that would even be a good idea...
Sometimes things are so perfect and they are absolutely spectacular. You wonder what happened to them when they're ripped away from you.

I've read over my old journals lately (my hand-written ones).
I re-read my old Xanga entires. I read over my ex-girlfriend's old Xanga entries, too.
God...we were so in love. Teenage love is crazy, you know? It's really out of this world.
I'm not sure what caused everything to crash and burn. I'm not sure if it was our ages that separated us in the end. I'm not sure if it was HER that made things different. I'm not sure if it was ME that messed things up.
I'm tired of asking questions and wondering what it was, though.
I've done it for the past three weeks, and I'm just tired of caring.

Maybe I'm aloof. Maybe I just couldn't care less.
Maybe I'm still attached to my ex-girlfriend. And maybe she's still attached to me.
We're still extremely comfortable together, we still get along all right, we still like being around one another, and if you didn't know we broke up, you might wonder if we were together.
I guess that one's my fault.
I took care of her all during Sunday because she had a nasty cold, and I love taking care of her.
It ended up confusing the hell out of both of us.
Again...my fault. My intention was to stop by, drop off a cup of her favorite coffee, and head out to chill with some friends.
She said to me, "You can stay if you want." I know her well enough to know that that's her way of saying, "I want you to stay."
I ended up staying until pretty late.
When I left, I didn't want to leave at all.
I wanted to stay with her...
I wanted to stay with her forever and ever.

I need to start letting go because I know she won't be coming back.
I'm not sure how to start letting go, though...

I've been going to hookah bars lately.
They're really wonderful. I will probably get cancer from smoking hookahs so much, but the bars are really wonderful.
I've met several people there over the past three days that I've been going.
I meet some friends there, smoke a hookah or two, and have a really great time.
Hookah bars give you the opportunity to meet new people. You just sit with your hookah and then sit in a group of people. You share your hookahs and discuss whatever comes up. It's like going clubbing, but it's a lot better than doing that.
It depends on your personality, but sitting around with a tasty hookah, chatting it up with strangers who are nice and have no bad intentions, and hanging out with good friends is incredibly pleasant.

The owner of the bar is a really excellent guy, too.
The hookahs are cheap.
The friends are true.
The fun is pure.
I'm also incredibly sappy and stupid.
<img src="http://a77.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/66/l_91ab2b410df42bf66d5bd351ca1eb6f4.jpg">

Not that anyone cares, but take a look at Adam's (owner of Hookah Bliss) myspace. Get interested. Get hooked. <3
http://www.myspace.com/hookahbliss

I guess that's enough ranting for today.
A pretty successful entry, at that.
Hope you guys are all all right.

Pray for my sanity not to leave me.
Take care.
<3      

Date:	2008-01-27 12:42
Subject:	Changing Your Life
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous

People dedicate themselves.
They find a certain purpose...then they dedicate themselves to it entirely and fully.
I had that.
I had that for nearly 15 months. It was a truly mutual and wonderful feeling.
When it left me about five days ago, I thought I'd die.
I thought my life was a sham, I thought things would never be okay, I thought I had nothing...
And I won't lie. All those still stand. I still feel a bit pathetic.

I moped and acted like an idiot for the first three days after "my loss."

And now, even though I could write pages about this experience, I realize, there's no use.

My heart will need to mend...
It will need time.
I will need time.

The healing process is a long and daunting task, but we always move on, right?
I did this to my ex-girlfriend, and she moved on...so will I.

Thank God I have school, the opportunity to go out on my own and meet new people, and the ability to be considered a legal adult!!!
I went to a bar last night in Hillsborough called, "The Blue Bayou." It's a jazz bar. They play wonderful music all night long, have "spirits," as they say, and allow smoking inside. I smoked like a chimney, met two girls who also smoked like a chimney, and now have a date with the both of them...separately. I'm incredibly forlorn about this. I have no idea how this will go. I don't even want to know, to be honest. The thought of being more than friends with them makes me ill to my stomach, but they're kind, and I could use some friends right now that are not tied to Susannah to talk to...

I don't want to go for fear that I will miss Susannah more....

I don't honestly think that's possible.

Anyway.
I have one hour to get ready for the first person. I don't remember her name. I only remember one of them, and I don't remember which is which. So...wish me luck, kids.

<3

Date:	2008-01-06 23:56
Subject:	Bringing something new to the table?
Security:	Public
Mood:	horny

Susannah came home from Sweden on early Thursday morning...about 12.15am.
I picked her and the rest of her family up at the airport in Raleigh at about that time.
While the others waited for their luggage at the baggage claim (durr, where else?) Susannah went out into the parking lot to look for me.
She was walking out of the sliding doors when I jumped out of the car to see her.
It took her a minute to realize it was me, but as soon as she did, she ran to me and squeezed me tighter than I could have ever imagined she was able to. We hesitated when it came to kissing one another, but it came to us, and it was absolutely magical.
Sure, that sounds corny, but after not seeing Sus for a few weeks, fighting, biting each others faces off every single day, breaking up (sort of?), and being cheated on (sort of?), the need to feel her lips around mine was intense. Her lips were softer than I remembered. She held me in her arms and I knew right then that that was where I belonged. And she belonged in my arms.

Everything was okay, in that one instant of a kiss and a hug, we knew we'd be all right...

Her mum drove back home to Chapel Hill and we sat in the back seat and cuddled tightly. We did a few naughty things, but we mostly rested in one another's laps. She fell asleep after nearly a day of travel in my arms while I stroked her hair and her cheek. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her lips and nose again and again. It felt so right. It felt like she hadn't even left or that we had even fought.

We've been together since then up until about two hours ago.
This evening and night was spectacular. Susannah and I got to spend the entire evening on our own!
We rarely get evenings out so we took advantage of it...
We got coffee that we had been lusting after for days. We had a few smokes each that we had also been lusting after.
And we got to have some fun that was well-deserved by the both of us and a friend of ours. The evening was wonderful...truly.
After a ton of fun, we got some dinner at Panera. We got a last smoke before heading back home and listened to music in my car at full blast with the windows down and shared kisses that few would ever understand.
Susannah and I are better than ever...
We have made it through another one of those tough obstacles.

I will always remember today...and the secluded parking lot....inside a Chevrolet Suburban....

Hm.
Enjoy that, kids.
Goodnight. <3  

Date:	2008-01-01 18:19
Subject:	I Never Grew the Balls
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic

I wanted to post to fetishconfess, but it would either hit a nerve (for me, personally) or upset other people.
Negative feedback upsets me and I'd rather do without.
So, maybe it means I have no balls or that I'm a pussy (ironic, nea?), but posting your wild fantasies on the net when you know who might be reading your LJ (not including my girlfriend) may pose multiple quandaries.
Maybe I'll grow the balls someday...



This past two weeks has been up and down, like a yo-yo, so to say.
My baby comes back tomorrow. We're not sure where we are, but we have planned to talk things out and see where that takes us.
I have to say that that is enough for me to be thankful for.

Intrigues me.
I might post later.
Don't read it.

Date:	2007-12-31 22:41
Subject:	By the way,
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely

I never had a point to what I last posted.
It's a good song.
Check out myspace and look for "The Moldy Peaches."
The song should be there. For better or for worse.

It's good.
So was "Juno."

So.
I'm off to "celebrate" New Years. Not really.
I'll probably search for new music and pretend I have a life.

Things that are on my mind (because laundry lists make things easy):
1. Susannah
2. 2008
3. I wouldn't mind seeing Juno with Susannah again.
4. I like The Moldy Peaches.
5. I'm lonely.
6. Surreal lyrics make me feel good on the inside.
7. I got called three times while I was in the movies and it was weird and I pissed everyone off.
8. I feel as though I've lost my sanity...and I'd like it back. [If you see it, I'd like it back]

So.
Happy New Years.
I hope none of you are doing anything stupid.
I ruined my baby's New Years so now I feel lame and wish I could take it back.

Take it easy.

Date:	2007-12-31 22:31
Subject:	Anyone Else But You
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

Saw Juno and enjoyed it thoroughly.
This was from the soundtrack from the movie and the song was done by The Moldy Peaches.

Here we go:

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Date:	2007-12-31 14:20
Subject:	I have learned....
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

That life isn't supposed to easy.

For everyone who told me love is supposed to be "effortless," go fuck yourself.
Maybe if you don't really care about someone it's easy to make it effortless.
But when you're in love and it's something you need to work to have, it's not effortless.

Love is supposed to be a bit hard sometimes.
You're supposed to work for it, and so is the other person.

So bite me.

No one reads this.

Date:	2007-12-30 18:15
Subject:	Six months ago....
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

I asked Susannah to stay with me...
So to say, I asked her to marry me.
I asked her to spend her life with me and share hers with me...and I promised I'd share mine with her.

But she forgets that promise she made to me.
Damn.

Date:	2007-12-30 17:08
Subject:	No one reads this....
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

But I've learned not to care about much at all.

So a funny thing happened about a week or so ago.
I did something that I will forever hold in my mind as sickening.
It caused me to have to learn about love all over again...

While love is a precious thing and should be taken care of, it is also a god damned painful process.
If I honestly believed in God, I would blame him and I would not repent for it.

Learning this process again is sort of a waste of time.
I used to have this belief that love was supposed to be painful sometimes and that if it was ALWAYS effortless it wasn't right.
Then in the past week, I realized, that love is meant to be fucked around with.
Your feelings are supposed to be tainted and teased.
It makes finding love all the more wonderful when you find it again.

The only thing I regret is not having been good enough.
You can put everything you've got into one thing and sometimes it's just not good enough....

Date:	2007-12-29 18:48
Subject:	I'mma Make a Post
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

This is my post.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years, ya cunts.

Mine has sucked throughout, but I have been told I would get through it.

Does anyone else want to tell me I will?
I sorta need it.

Date:	2007-09-23 22:39
Subject:	Whoa, crazy?
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy

Uh, so, life's been....whoa. Crazy.

That was a weak way to start this entry off.
I apologize for that.

Lately I actually haven't been that busy or overwhelmed with anything.
School has been fine. I've been getting through classes with satisfying ease.
I'm not taking any sort of difficult courses at Durham Tech. so I don't expect much stress accumulating from school.
To be honest, I haven't been stressed.
The first two weeks were a little awry. Stuff was scattered and my mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that I had to do even MORE education although I graduated what seemed like an eternity of education...to begin with.
It's not really bad at all. I don't mind continuing my education. I want to graduate college with a major so I can have a life. I have a life now and that's pretty cool. I'm happy I've got one that's pretty existent.

Sus and I are happy as gay clams! I don't know where that came from. We're happy and things are going well.
I think she was supposed to call me tonight before she went off to bed but she seemed pretty out of it when I left her house around 10.00 pm tonight. School's been getting to her lately. Stress has been looming over her head a lot lately and I wish I could do something for her but there really isn't. She just has to get through school....I know she can do it. She'll be fine. I wish I was a genius and could just do her work for her....maybe I'll be a genius in a year. Then I can do her senior work.

Well, I saved a paper for a class until the last minute so I've got to get started on that.
Wish me luck, folks...it's going to be a loooooong night.

Enjoy your weeks, everyone.

Date:	2007-09-14 14:49
Subject:	Finallly!
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Discreet Music - Brian Eno

It's FINALLY the weekend.
I was dying for this weekend to come.
Been stressed and a bit off this week.

I have an appointment with my therapist next Thursday. Haven't been for a long while.
Stopped taking meds about a month ago? Maybe less or more. I'm not sure.
I was doing pretty well off of them but I feel as though my moods are always shifting and I'm always indecisive about things.
We'll see what Catherine decides.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist...sometime next week. Forget which day but I will see him in the afternoon one of the days next week.
Next week will probably be healthier. Mentally.

Excited about some stuff coming up.
I have some plans (possibly) with Kahn.
Hopefully that will be fun.
I'm sure it will be.
I love the things Susannah and I put together.
Thank you Billy (Kahn) for being awesome about this stuff! [He's such a lucky bastard, I tell you.]

Tomorrow I will be protesting the war in Washington, DC! That should be amazing.
Soon enough I'll have a video up about it. Sunday or Monday most likely.
I have a video up now that I loaded last night from a protest I went to in Chapel Hill.
Check it out at www.youtube.com/sascolnik.
Copy and paste that address bitches and leave some comments on the video...I'm really curious for some responses and comments.

Sunday I'm going to be taking it easy...
Hopefully get to hang out with Susannah, of course!

That i$ it f0r n0w.
Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

Date:	2007-09-13 02:34
Subject:	S0 E4rlY 1n th3 m0rn1ng
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted
Music:	It's Not True - William Fitzsimmons

Sorry for the l33t sp34k...
It's really early in the morning...the wee hours it is....yes...yes it is....

As I'm typing this sentence the clock says 2.36 in the a-m. Crazy stuff.
I have nothing to say...I'm a bit delirious and cannot sleep for the life of me.
Sorry.

This entry is not supposed to have any meaning...I'm thinking it might tire me out by staring at the screen and typing....just straight typing until I can't type anymore...which is coming pretty soon.

My fingers are very stiff and I am very tired.

New video up on youtube soon enough..."A Vanity Affair." Check it out, yo!
www.youtube.com/sascolnik
Y333uhhh!